Tuesday, December 16, 2014

爱情这回事

收拾房间
发现了心灵笔记
按捺不住
拾起     

许多的回忆
许多的人
许多的故事
许多的祷告

最后的记录
已经是快五年前了
当中的人            有的
结婚了
做妈妈了
还是单身
还在拍拖


照旧
一个人


创世纪            18
耶和华   神说:“那人独居不好,我要为他造一个配偶帮助他。”
创造男人、女人的神,孩子要感谢赞美你,因为你创造男人女人是按你的形象样式造的。赞美你,因为你造每一个男人、女人都是不一样的,都是独特的,并且你说:“甚好!”要赞美你的智慧,因你造人是需要配偶的:你造女人是温驯的,可以成为男人的帮助者;你造男人较健壮的,为要带领、保护他所爱的人。感谢你,因为你造了男人女人,又设立婚姻,赐下爱情。感谢你,让孩子遇上错的人,预备孩子以后可以知道和对的人相处。感谢你,孩子遇上了____,因为你使用她让孩子更认识自己,更明白神你所设立的婚姻蓝图是怎样的。感谢神,因为你藉着她提醒孩子要学习在肢体语言上尊重女性,学习在思想上过圣洁的生活,学习在言语、思想、行为上专一爱一个姐妹的功课,学习主动、坦诚沟通分享,学习在爱情更顺服、信靠神,学习做一个独立、成熟的男人。感谢你,因为你如此的爱着我们。祈求你,教导孩子成为一个神所喜悦的男人。求你教导孩子在言语、行为、思想上过圣洁的生活。赐给孩子聪明智慧与才干来服侍你。带领孩子,也求你带领____,使我们无论将来如何,去哪里,是什么职业,都能够荣耀神,造就人;过一个时刻被圣灵充满的生命。父神求你带领我们的关系,将我们都献上给你,愿你的旨意成就在我们身上,愿我们的生命成为你的荣耀。
奉基督耶稣的圣名求,阿门。
(载于2007724日,凌晨1230分)


今天
同上
阿门

Saturday, November 8, 2014

电影史

高一那年,开始爱看电影。当时考了摩托车,几乎每个星期三都会去看部电影。那时,一部戏才五令吉。高三时,有时会一天看两场。下课后,看了三点场,去间餐厅吃晚饭,歇息做作业,然后七点场,晚上九时许才回家。

喜欢看电影。以前很爱幻想自己是主角、英雄之类,后来比较多是当自己是悲剧、配角。再长大些时,更多是代入角色,去感受戏里每个人物的思想、情绪、挣扎。所以比起武打动作片,更喜欢剧情片。让自己化为戏里人物,戏假情真,演化小丑的晦暗,铁达尼号杰克对生命的热情,无间道的矛盾……当感动的流泪时,发现自己原来还活着,也许,这是证明自己真正存在、活着的记号。

常常一个人看电影。不是要搞孤寂。高一那年面对很多人情世故(还是我将自己演化成了悲剧?)所以刻意远离人群。或许是为了逃避,也许封闭了自己。其实是很想有个人,只是一个人,陪伴。只是,谁愿意?

后来,开始有点,慢慢地更多地,喜欢自己演戏,也参与了一些的舞台表演。在少年营会里演绎‘白粉仔’,战抖的手、吸食白粉的表情,为我夺了人生第一个最佳男主角(目前来说,也是唯一一个)。后来大二参与大专团契的音乐剧,才真正的经历面试、背稿、排演和最终的演出。很多照片在我之前的手提电脑,当机后就流失了,欲哭无泪。唯一留下的,就只有这一张背影了。

有时会想,“有没有机会真的参与演艺事业呢?”

呵呵,有些梦想,留在梦乡就好。





















后记:在网上又找到了一张。女的是我在剧中的‘女朋友’。


Sunday, November 2, 2014

何去何从?

考研
何处去?
打开的山路
多崎径
那方是
正道?


未来
何处寻?
深处的呼唤
多回音
哪人愿
为伴?

Saturday, November 1, 2014

Young lady

Long since I last loved a person
At time I think to myself
do I still able to love? 
Sometime I doubt
and I thought
I might not be able to love again
not as affectionately as I was
Maybe 
I can only love
by choice

Yet I wish to love. 
I want to love. 
I want to 
give, to 
care, to 
lead, to 
protect a lady. 
I need her. 
I need accompaniment. 
I need a helper.

True indeed, that 
God is my greatest helper and companion. 
He never forsaken nor leaved me. 
Yet, 
by His grace and unsearchable wisdom, 
He created for man 
woman.

“I am too young for you!”
But you are already a fully grown woman. 
Should I wait till you are 30? 
That is not good for your health to be mother at a high age.

“I am spiritually not mature!”
But I am not perfect either. 
Should not we grow together? 
Should I not, 
if I am really more mature than you spiritually, (as you say)
serve and lead you with such maturity?


“I am busy with study now, I need to be focus!”
But when you graduate, then 
you will be busy with your work. 
Since when do we really be free 
to have time for relationship? 
Marriage is a commitment, 
it is a choice.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

外面

滴答滴答

里面

刷拉刷拉

不明

乱七


主啊

几时能罢?

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

不满足


太远了
机会
过去了
也许我们
适合彼此
终点一致
那又如何?
没有交集的螺旋体
到底不是
交织在一起的身体


说她太年轻
我想
也许是我太老了
她以为不够成熟
我想
是我还不懂
温柔的带领


不能明白
为何会看上她
没有答案
也许     
不能理解
所以没有
安全感
所以     
努力读书去了


更远了
太远了
算了



主啊!
还要多久呢?
求你
让我单单
满足于

Monday, September 1, 2014

Long journey

This is a long journey
Not because of the distance
Far stretching to the invisible end
But of not knowing where finishing line lies
Frustrated of unknown time to the end
Yet, by His Spirit
long suffering soul refined

This is a long journey
Not Because of the adversary
Ceaseless mocking, intimidating, tempting
But lack of comrades together fighting
In unity marching with intensity
Yet, in His Spirit
Strength to provide infinitely

This is a long journey
Not because of the field
Along the path boring and thorny
But the lack of company
Hence the loneliness that kill
Yet, with His Spirit
Helper, Counselor never leave

Saturday, July 26, 2014

1 br8fast 4 2

两份英式早餐
一个人吃
所以
一份作午餐
另一份
晚餐
其实那食物
蛮不错的
咖啡也
很香美
只是
这个单人食客
也太过
那个了

***

想起那次回家乡
约了两个高中朋友
晚餐      叙旧
结果变成了      
辩论之                 非死不可           
久违的聚会如此收场
难免有点惆怅
唯一感到欣慰的是
她们如此生龙活虎
口沫横飞
活着      就是
好事

***

今年有好几场地婚礼
今天就有一场
不过我给            逃了
有些      我是后知后觉
知道后
“为什么没有人跟我讲的?”
(好像通知邀请我是理所当然的)
“不是没有讲,是你没有非死不可咯!”
(这句话            前后逻辑不是太对吧?)

这样的理由
我还有什么可以说呢?
难道      要告诉他们
这个世界
有样东西叫       手机?
有样程序叫       电邮?
有个职业叫       邮差?

其实
很想告诉他们
某学妹
知道我没有非死不可
所以就哇死吖
预约我明年参加她的婚礼
某同学
知道我没有非死不可
所以就短信我
邀我十一月参加她的婚宴
还有一个
八宿妹子哥们
四年没有联络
突然间短信我
邀请我参加他们十二月的婚礼

***


所以说
人生
知己难寻
良偶难求
若有一二

知恩
珍惜

Thursday, July 17, 2014

“It is great to have a companion whose strengths cover my weaknesses and whose love covers my sins.”
Edward T. Welch

那是《脑袋惹的祸》的
作者的谢序中
给予他太太的谢词
我想
他们是
幸福的

过去几年里
爱过最深的她
已经
去年
也许跟另一个她
有那么一点机会
然后
她飞了

这一年下来
心想     
也许对我们都好
不够爱她
不懂爱她
越认识她
越觉得
我不配

也许
她不是我的伴
也不会是
总觉得她和他 
好像(快?)在一起了

也许

还不懂得

所以
还得等

我愿意
求主帮助


Wednesday, July 16, 2014


结婚了

知道她
要结婚时
还想说到底
去不去她的婚礼
心底深处
也许不想去
所以口头上推说

没有请

那天到了
我不需要想
因为她
没有请
而且
学校有任务
(来得真合时)
也去不成
心底深处
也将这事            算是
放了

也许有点后悔
也许该去
偶尔会想
如果去了
会为他们做些什么
主祷文      
我为他们献上的
祝福


愿天上的父      
创造男人女人
设立婚姻的上帝
使这婚姻成圣
叫上帝的名因此被尊为圣
愿上帝的国
降临在这家庭
愿上帝的旨意
藉这对新人的联合
行在他们一生人中

赐个他们每天
                     
的粮食
使他们不但有爱情
也有面包
饶恕他们的罪
使他们也彼此饶恕
保守他们免于试探
拯救他们脱离各样破坏爱约的人事物

因为
国度      权柄      荣耀
全是主上帝你的

他们的婚姻
荣耀您的圣名
阿门

Monday, June 23, 2014

忘老

人老了
竟然忘记了

是会变老
变慢

是会改变的

Friday, June 13, 2014

Why do we have Dress Code (in MCKL)?!


First attempt: simple but brutal answer
Because this is MCKL (or any other institute or agency or whatever), so MCKL has the authority to make rules for anyone related to it. Since we decided to have dress code, so that is. Period.

Second attempt: more philosophical, sociological answer
Have you ever think of why man (I mean human kind when I use ‘man’, aint not sexist here.) wear clothes? Have you ever think of why we wear formal on first day, your lecturers or college staffs wear formal every day, when you attend some important dinner or ball, you get dressed up (ever think of why we use the word ‘up’ instead of ‘dressed down’?) Why no sane person will ever wear bikini to shopping mall and go for a movie? Why, and how, do we actually define some set of wear as ‘formal’, ‘casual’, ‘informal’, ‘smart casual’ and etc.? What is the standard, or if there is any, for clothing?
So I believe there is a standard, although this standard is, to certain extend, subjective and relative to culture to culture, from a civilization to another. But nevertheless, there IS a standard, the objective absoluteness is that there IS a standard, however that standard is. Hence we have a culture here, a standard here, and we hope that this standard will produce a certain degree of respect of ourselves and people around us.
How does our dress code show respect to you? First, you are precious, and not all people deserve and have the right to see most of the thing, if not all of the thing, that God had fashioned you. I know Malaysia is a hot country, KL is a hot city, and all MCKL-ian are hot, so we always want to wear less (including myself). But we do not simply expose our body parts, especially sensitive part, to others who are not our wives or husband. The people who do that, we usually identify them as insane people as those we see on the street. (no offense, they are poor people and need our pity.)
Second, you want people to look at you at the right place. Yes, I mean the RIGHT place, not the wrong place. Imagine if you are talking to a guy, and he keep looking at your cleave because you wear a bit low, how would you feel? I’m not saying that guy should do that, (I am a guy!) but we are sinner, we are weak, and ladies, we need your help to be a gentlemen!
Thirdly, we hope that keep you all safe as well, both guys and girls. Not just physically, but psychologically and emotionally as well. I have seen enough hurts because of relationship, sexual violence. We know there is a lot out there. I do believe that this clothing will help.
Now I want to end this section with this: some time ago I saw a post on Facebook, some one of my friend, a Christian sister, she shared a picture. In that picture, a young pretty lady hold up a sign board, saying, “Don’t tell us what to wear, tell them not to rape!” When I think of that, I feel very sad, very very sad. I am a man, I know what goes on in man’s mind. I did not rape any woman before physically, but if I am honest with myself, and to you all, I’m not sure how many times I had committed that violence in my mind. Such sinful person I am, no? I would not blame the woman for wearing less, for what the man did is just wrong. Man was created with stronger physique so that we can protect, not to abuse, woman. But who can save us, men, from this lust? Jesus Christ is the only one that saves. He died for all our sins and resurrected three days later to show that He has the power to overcome death, where death is the consequence of sin, hence he also conquer the sting of sin as well. If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old had past, and everything is anew.
But dear ladies, may I say something to you? Let me be honest to you, that if you would wear a little bit different, you will really help me? I know you have your freedom, you have your right to wear whatever you want, you have liberty to choose to cover or expose your body, of which created by God in such a way that is certain to catch a lot of eye balls. But after you hear how weak we men are, will you care and sacrifice a bit of your freedom, that for the sake that we can be better men, that you wear a bit more? Will you help us to be a real man?

Third attempt: biblical answer
Well, i need more time on this. Catch up with me on this another day ;)