坚持 vs 固执

我们活在一个分不清固执与坚持的世界里

所谓的
彼此尊重
你有你的看法
我有我的立场
大家彼此尊重
和和气气
即使
对方的看法、立场
是违背真理的？

曾几何时
坚持
真理
变成了
固执
食古不化？

又
曾几何时
学生
比
老师
长者
更明白
知道
何谓
对错
以致于
老者
都是固执的？

到底
谁
才是
真的
固执
骄傲
食古不化？

梦

再次梦见你
只是
这次你 不再是
中心人物
坐在一边
祝福
我的未来

这是第一次梦见你吧？
没想到
那也许只是场游戏
只是
戏虽假
情还真
可不可能？

也许
让梦继续
梦
也是一种
幸福

尊重•辩论

近来在朋友的“非死不可”与人谈论一些关于信仰的课题。面对不同的人，有者温文有礼，有者冷然旁观，也有者咄咄逼人。整个过程让我重新思想几样事情——什么是尊重？什么是辩论？

***

我们活在一个多元社会中，每个人都有不同的世界观、价值观和人生经验。在这个处境中，我们认为说，彼此的尊重是应当的。然而这‘尊重’，到底是怎样的一个尊重？怎样才算是‘尊重’呢？

有者认为，大家异中求同，接受大家是不一样的，别人选择什么、相信什么，我们都不可理会、提及、过问，就是尊重了。动机或者是好的，但是这样的‘尊重’，我想是很不成熟的。这样的尊重，不过是种鸵鸟心态，故意忽视、避开差异，而不是面对、正视彼此不认同的地方。

我想，一个真正的尊重，乃是在接受，并尊重彼此同样是神的形象，而有各自在各样事上作自由选择的权利。这样的尊重，不是以各人的信仰立场、政治意图、社会地位为根基，而是以人之所以是人，就当给予尊重为基础。

因此真正的尊重，乃是在于能够提出各人不一样的地方——信仰、价值观、政治立场、经验背景等——而不屈辱对方，不自觉高人一等而做出人身攻击的言语或行为。真正的尊重，乃是能够坦白的说明彼此的差异，真诚的指出彼此不认同的地方，然后仍然能够握手说：“我不认同你的看法，但是我接受那是你的选择。”然后一起去喝茶、看球、社交。

***

一向以来，我很抗拒辩论。一方面认为在辩论过程中，双方总先假定自己一定是对的，然后设法说服对方自己是对，对方是错的（虽然不太可能双方都是对的）；二来辩论多少有输赢的心态，有了这得失之心，很多时候反倒是不能看见什么是对的，什么是错的。所以我常强调，“我们是在讨论，并不是在辩论！”

现实是，我们避免不了一些的争辩。有时是为了辩而辩，有时为了坚持自己的立场，更多时候，是为了怕脸上挂不住。曾几何时，辩论其实一种发现真理的方法——辩证法。

所以，怎么办呢？提醒自己几方面：

尽量减缓谈论的节奏。过于快的节奏、咄咄逼人的语气很容易激起辩论。放慢节奏，温和的语气，提醒彼此“我们在讨论！不是辩论！”

真的在辩论了，那决不做任何有挑绊性的言语行为。人身攻击、侮辱性的言语，是要不得的。

给与彼此犯错的空间。辩论赛中常会有一方犯错，而被对方死叨着不放，而产生张力、压力。但是在讨论中，要常提醒自己大家都是人，都可能犯错。有时不是对方讲错，而是自己错误了解对方的表达（所以也要自省，自己有没有说不明白的地方而让对方产生误解）。所以，澄清不明的地方，指出错误——针对论点，不是人——然后，继续讨论。别计烂账。

尊重彼此——作为人。参上文。提出不认同的地方不是不尊重，提出错误的地方更不是不尊重，不然每个老师都是不懂尊重的人了。提出不认同的地方是真诚，否则是虚伪；指出错误之为了指正，盼望对方走对路，是出于关爱，当然对方接不接受另谈。

***

人生这条路，我还有很多要学哪~

p(^.^)q

渔夫

 “彼得！把船开到水深之处，下网打鱼！”

刚听完耶稣对加利利海边群众的教导，正想着要靠岸让耶稣下船回家的渔夫彼得，对耶稣这突如奇来的要求，楞了一会儿：“现在？下网打鱼？还是在水深之处？！”

如果我是彼得：呵呵，耶稣夫子，你是个木匠，造个家私那是你的拿手快活，但是——打鱼？！我打了这近二十年的鱼，没有人会在这时候——正午——去打鱼！而且，还是到水深之处？笑话！会打到鱼，那时天大的笑话！

“老师，我和伙伴们已经忙了一整夜，但完全没有收获！”顿了一会，忍住笑，“不过既然您吩咐，我们就做吧！”一副完全是为了满足眼前这位年轻、刚换工转作传道的木匠老师的要求。

出海了。

下网。

彼得望着渔网中的情景，他呆了：“不可能！怎么会这样！”

鱼儿们噼哩叭啦的在水面上跳着，似乎试着跳出渔网圈，但是它们一只都没有成功。

“约翰！快来帮忙！太多鱼了！”同伙兴奋地呼叫着在岸上看呆了的约拿家两兄弟。

彼得手上配合着伙伴将鱼货都抖上船，心里还在震撼。

如果你是彼得，你会在想些什么？

哇！这么多的鱼！呵呵，这半年不愁吃不愁穿了！可以带全家去旅行了！

哦！我要买多两艘渔船！这是扩大商机的机会！发了！

彼得看着堆满了鱼的船，战惊着扑倒耶稣面前：“主啊！离开我吧！我是个罪人！”

“我是罪人！”

 这是彼得的结论。他不再是个渔夫，至少，在这位年轻的夫子面前…哦！

不！是主！他不再是老师，他是主！是上帝！是那位带领他的祖先出埃及，将这片巴勒斯坦地赐给他们，但是因为后人不专心敬畏他，而被他审判，流放到外地，几十年后才许可他们会来的上帝！

我刚才不是嘲笑他么？不是轻看他，以为他对渔业一窍不通？但是他懂！他是创造万物的主，也是审判列祖的君王！他知道这段时间会有鱼，不就是理所当然的吗？那他是主，我到底做了什么？嘲笑上帝？！这太可怕了！哦，主啊！离开我吧！

“不要怕！”耶稣轻柔但坚定的说，“从今以后，你们要得人了！”

不但被原谅，被赦免了，主耶稣赐予彼得新的使命——不是捕鱼，而是为上帝将人带到他面前。

亲爱的读者，您是否认为耶稣不过是个伟大的老师或历史人物？您是否面对生活的问题，认为耶稣不是您的专业，不能帮助你面对你在工作、家庭或人际关系里的困难？请来认识他！他不只是伟大的老师，他是神，是创造世界——包括你和我——的创造主，是审判不按他作为上帝当受的敬畏，而敬畏他的人的大法官，更是在我们悔罪时，愿意赦免我们，并对我们说：“不要怕！”的上主！

真诚地邀请您，来认识这位在宇宙，包括您的职业、家庭、人际关系，掌权的上帝。他要驱逐您对罪恶感所带来对审判的恐惧，赐给您平安，更要赋予您的生命新的意义、方向、价值。

相亲

有时我会想
相亲
或许是最适合我的
恋爱方式

也许
你会说
“那根本不叫恋爱！”
为什么呢？
“不是自己选的！”

不是自己选的
就不能爱了吗？
愿意
认真地负责
付代价
为另一人而活
不也很好吗？

多重人格

杀手
冷酷的眼神
迷倒多少
师奶
美眉

多情公子
花丛中永生
谁与争锋
狂蜂
浪蝶？

浪子
不回家少年
飘游四方
海角
天涯

老人
短暂的人生
甜酸苦辣
道尽
沧桑

罪犯
深沉的黑暗
笼罩迷困
自己
知己

孤者
来往人潮中
只身独影
无伴
单行

Self-keeping

"We will, I suppose, get used to each other, the feel and smell and look of one another, but I am glad it is not so now. As I never felt before, I feel now that I must keep myself for you. God knows it is a stay to purity, and He knows how many shakings to purity are ahead."
~ Jim Elliot

Marvelous. One day I was considering singleness, the other day a bee among flowers, and now self-keeping.

But the calling is straight forward: "Be holy as I am Holy". And to love one person, a truly deep kind of love, will want to give her all, completely, perfectly. To save the best for the last, and to keep that for one special person forever. That is love. A pure one.

Easier said than done, of cause. Especially for one who had tasted, altough just a small portion, how sweet it could be. To restraint oneself from such a good thing is agonizing, some say cruel, but important if one would want to have a real, pure, lasting love.

So it is only by His grace that keep and enable us to keep ourselves.

Me, Lord? Single?

“What do women want today? What do men want? I mean, deep down. What do they really want? If ‘times’ had changed, have human longings changed, too? How about principles? Have Christian principles changed?

I say no to the last three questions, an emphatic no. I am convinced that the human heart long for constancy. In forfeiting the sanctity of sex by casual, nondiscriminatory “making out” and “sleeping around,” we forfeit something we cannot well do without. There is dullness, monotony, sheer boredom in all of life when virginity and purity are no longer protected and prized. By trying to grab fulfillment everywhere, we find it nowhere.” ~ Chapter 1 - Me, Lord? Single?

This is the fourth time, if not third, that I am reading Elisabeth Elliot’s Passion and Purity. It is the second book that I repeat for so much time, the first being the Bible, and it is as fresh as though I’m reading it for the first time, constantly buzzing my brain, pushing me to rethink principles and reflect things happened, and happening, in my life.

What do men want? Or should I say, what do I want? Fulfillment of my sexual desire? A mate who accompany me throughout my life, whether in services for others or going for a movie marathon or a walk in the park? Someone to fill my need, namely “to love”? Or, simply, that I don’t want to be lonely?

Are these I really want deep down in my heart?

It is true that I want to love, to care for someone who is willing to be loved. It is true also that I long for someone, who always by my side walking down the pathway in the park, sharing thoughts and views and happenings in each lives, cuddling in movie and share the most interesting scene of the show, praying together in His servitude. It is definitely true that I have the ‘drive’ inside me to have the most intimate activity one could have with her. I want to love.

But ultimately, what I really want is, to be His man. A man that walk the way He wants me to walk, the way that pleases Him. Hence the dilemma, “What if He wants you to be single?” Can I still love, and have someone to walk me down the streams just talking, and being quiet at times? How about the ‘need of flesh’?

What about principle?

He is my Lord. If He wants me to stay single for the rest of the life, so let it be, for He owns me. He is the provider of needs. He is the best mate and friend of life. It is in Him alone, I shall not be in want. Would He take away the ‘wants’? He may not, but He promised His grace will be sufficient for what I’ll have to face, which are things He wants me to face, in life.

I must confess that those are hard truth, though they are not really that hard as it seems if we set our heart right and focus on Him alone. Yet often time we tends to do things on our own, thinking that we know best what we are doing, or we simply give in because of ignorance of His promises and surrender to our earthly desires. And the consequences, like how EE put it, “… by trying to grab fulfillment everywhere, we got it nowhere.” The real fulfillment only comes from Him. It is only in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Giver of life, peace, and joy, we will have all these wants fulfill, one way or another, but all His way.

God, help me.